Wasted time has been a concern of mine for/since/probably my whole life, acutely felt on Sunday when it's late afternoon. I am not alone in this but the delusion is that I am and my agitation starts to look like compulsory actions-eating, shopping, scrolling. Usually I would be recovering from literal 'wasted time' but its been a few years since that occurred and I am grateful for it.
My idea of productivity wasn't achieved over the long holiday weekend and in a desperate attempt to make use of what was left of the fading daylight I sat outside to measure the hour in stillness. It helped that it is gorgeous today, easy to sit uncovered. I tried to go to a more 'special' spot where we could both hike and sit, but it was crowded and broke my immersion of being the sole human on the planet. In my backyard, I set my timer for an hour and watched.
My brain activity ebbed and flowed, replaying the previous nights events, jumping forward into my doubts about the future. When I was able to focus on the present, I could smell the foliage on the air, the barbecue in the neighborhood, hear the rooster next door, the flap of a birds wings, a telephone ringing twice within the hour. I could see, and I could see I wasn't looking.
I have a lot to do. That is about all I can comprehend at the moment. I also didn't make it the full hour, as Warren came out to tell me something and we walked around the yard using the landscape to depict our plans. He picked up a half circle of chopped wood to use as a base, I clipped stalks of lavender to fill an empty vase I had been thinking about filling for months. Problem solved.